Secret Birth Plans

"Oh, we got to the point where we didn't even tell people we were planning a natural birth. We were sick of trying to justify our reasons for it."

This came up in a recent discussion with a client of mine. This is not the first time I’ve heard a statement like that, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. But in trying to figure out why so many people are against natural birth, I was inspired to write about it.

I have a bad tendency to lash out in frustration and label people that disagree with me as stupid. I know that’s childish so I’ve worked hard on coming up with alternate labels. I find that labels like ‘ignorant’ and ‘uneducated’ are far less offensive.

But in all seriousness, I really think that ignorance and uneducated apply here. It is human nature to be frightened of the unknown. Most people in the United States have never witnessed a natural birth before; all they know are their own experiences and what they’ve been exposed to in the media. And we know how inaccurately child birth is represented in television and film.

Who wouldn’t be frightened of an experience like that? A highly medicalized, and most certainly a medicated birth sounds much better than that, almost anyone would agree.

The fact of the matter is that birth isn’t anything like what is portrayed in the media. It rarely starts suddenly. Most women have ample time to drive themselves back home; in fact, labor rarely starts away from home! Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have nearly perfected the birth process. Labor usually intensifies slowly, over a period of many hours. This gives ample time for the woman’s body to adjust and produce an abundant amount of endorphins (nature’s pain killers) to help her cope with the pain. By the time the woman thinks she can no longer take it, she is usually very close to giving birth.

When I told people I was having my second baby at home, I also got negative responses from friends and family members. But instead of the negativity discouraging me from sharing, I had a totally different attitude. As a doula and educator, I used each opportunity as one to educate.

CONVERSATION ONE

Me: Hospital? Oh no, we are having the baby at home with a midwife.

Friend: Whoa, so no prenatal care?

Me: Midwives provide very similar prenatal care as obstetricians. In fact, in many ways it is superior because midwives usually spend much more time with their clients, 30-45 minutes per visit. Midwives also discuss all of the standard testing with you so you can make a decision as to whether or not you actually want the test.

Friend: Hmm, that’s interesting. I remember my doctor would just order tests up without even telling me. In retrospect I would have liked it if he’d have discussed them with me beforehand.

CONVERSATION TWO

Me: Hospital? Oh no, we are having the baby at home with a midwife.

Friend: What!!! You can’t do that. What if something goes wrong?

Me: Goes wrong? What do you mean?

Friend: I dunno… what if the cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck?

Me: Actually, nuchal cords are very common, about 1/3 of all babies have cord wrapped around the neck. The midwife handles it the same way as a doctor – she unwraps it as the baby’s head is being born.

Friend: But what if it’s tight? What if the baby isn’t breathing?

Me: Midwives are prepared with emergency equipment and they are trained to handle emergencies. They have oxygen and resuscitation bags. The midwife and her assistant are both certified in neonatal resuscitation.

Friend: Oh, for some reason I guess I thought they just showed up driving an old VW bus with some towels and hot water. It’s good to know they are trained to handle emergencies.

CONVERSATION THREE

Me: Hospital? Oh no, we are having the baby at home with a midwife.

Friend: Oh my god, what if you need a cesarean section?

Me: Did you know that about 30% babies in the United States are born via surgical birth? But most homebirth midwives have a 5-10% cesarean section rate. Most cesarean sections are due to the medical interventions done to women in hospitals.

Friend: Okay, but what if you legitimately NEED one?

Me: Then we’ll get in the car and drive to the hospital. Less than one-half of one percent of births result in a true emergency that requires immediate intervention. I’m young and healthy, I trust that my body and my baby will be just fine.

Here’s my confession… I used to be against home birth too. I didn’t understand it and I trusted my doctors. I won’t go into what got me to come around, but I will tell you this… Years ago my husband had a friend whose wife planned an out-of-hospital birth. I thought she was crazy. She tried to explain it to me, but I pretty much just shut her down. However she planted a seed. Because she was open to trying to explain herself to my heard-headed, stubborn ass, she planted a seed. And years later when the time was right and I was ready to expand my own birthing options, that seed was there and ready to grow. That seed sprouted into me choosing an out of hospital birth and pursuing a career as a doula and childbirth educator.

In conclusion, please think it through before you keep your birthing plans a secret. Don’t look at surprised responses as an attack (even if they are); instead, look at them as an opportunity to educate. And if you aren’t the educating type, or you aren’t comfortable spouting off like I am, you can always just e-mail the person a few links to websites like gentlebirth.org or ican-online.org.